I finally unpacked them. You know, those dreadful bags in which all lose papers somehow end up left untouched and unsorted – for years, and I mean, years. But oh the places you go! when you take an evening to organize what you’ve dreaded since you graduated High School (2009 my friends).
It’s unusually freeing to sort through almost a decade of your life; old photographs and encouragement letters. Second grade marks and college notes dating back to 2011 (yikes!) Cards and magazine clippings. First plane tickets and first check yes or no notes. And it’s slightly embarrassing to read pieces you wrote both as a teenager and as a college student hoping someone would recognize your skills (which today only make me cringe).
As I sorted I found I was unpacking moments. Some I liked and some I didn’t, but all important. All reminding me of the searching years, the years of wandering and wondering and trying to find that place and that moment, that place to call home and that moment when I’m told it’s safe to call it that.
I moved into a house a few weeks ago. Well, a parsonage, but a house none the less. And every time I’ve walked in it since then, I’ve waited for that moment.
When my paper memories were finished being uncovered, they just laid there, completely exposed. And then I found my heart was too. And I just sat there exposed and I didn’t have to apologize for it. I didn’t have someone telling me to tuck it all a way and get out of the way. And I didn’t have to hurry. I could take my time remembering, and I could take my time processing things I hadn’t realized I still carried. And I could take my time throwing the latter the away.
After the ‘dreaded bags’ were emptied, I made a cup of coffee (because, what else would you do). I stood in my living room, breathing in the biggest art project I’ve ever been a part of, and God said, “Welcome home.” Those are words I cannot fully express or explain and they run deep, but for those who know me, thanks for praying.
Tonight, I got my moment. And yours (if you’ve not already had it) will come. But probably not how you imagine it. So make a cup of coffee (or tea, whichever you prefer) and breathe. You don’t have to apologize nor do you have to hurry. God walks with you when unpacking what you love, AND He walks with you when unpacking the unpleasant things too.
Tonight’s worship brought to you by: You Never Let Go – by Bryan & Katie Torwalt