It’s getting harder to reach back into the heart of that 15 year old kid. The one who didn’t usually have answers nor the voice to speak up when she did. She wasn’t smart enough. Pretty enough. Bold enough. She wasn’t enough. That 15 year old me.
But it seems I hardly know her anymore and believe me, that’s a good thing.
You see, I was the timid kid with an adventure soul. The child who had wild dreams but pursuing them meant leaving what I knew and living into what I didn’t and back then, that terrified me. But the truth is, the most exciting things in my life have begun with unknowns. With the things that absolutely terrified me.
That’s how I ended up in Michigan. New job. New address. New license plate. New people. And when everything is new, it means nothing is familiar. Nothing is home. And so I’ve spent the last year trusting God to make it home. Trusting that this calling He has on my life is richer and more sacred than what my 15 year old self ever believed the unknowns could bring.
I go back to 15 more than I do any other age because that year was pivotal. That year God spoke deep into a little girl who just wanted a home.
November 17, 2007 firefighters responded to a call. A two story farmhouse was on fire and needed immediate attention. I was on the other end watching the colors evaporate into the sky. The ground was cold. And seven kids all under the age of 15 watched the known turn to dust. But the dust taught me. It taught me that if God can breath life into something like dirt, how much more could God take the mess of that day and the mess of me and turn it into something as good as a home.
This week marks the 9th anniversary of that day. 9th. How did the years evaporate so quickly? How does one go from making a cup of cocoa in Maine at 15, to making a cup of cocoa in Michigan at 24.
Well, I have curious little girl and a God who showed her that new isn’t always scary to thank for that. And that is why this week is an anniversary. It marks beginnings for me that I could never fully explain. It marks the parts of me God rebuilt and restored. And I sit here in an empty church completely baffled that this place has become home.
I haven’t disposed all of the 15 year old me because to be honest, I still want to jump on the bed and eat chocolate chip pancakes for supper. I still want to catch snowflakes with my tongue and eat lemon pie for breakfast. I still want to travel the world and write stories and dream. But I am so thankful God continues to breathe into the dust of who I am making my life new, over and over again.
God takes the dust who we think we are and turns it into the sons and daughters He knows us to be. So to you who is reading this, don’t settle because you are terrified. Buy the plane ticket. Oh, and get on the plane. Because new could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17